“I feel like I was caught alone in a room with a girl,” his words echoed in my head as tears streamed down my face. How could a “good” friend paint me as a harlot? I didn’t understand what he was saying other than – I don’t want to be your friend. Shame and embarrassment washed over me.
I mustered up the strength and replied, “I’m sorry, for whatever I did, whatever shame I brought to you, I never said anything to you I wouldn’t say to any other friend.”
Still not knowing what I had done or what had happened – I sat silently and listened as he continued to say hurtful words that would end our friendship. As I hung up the phone, I sat in silence sobbing and praying that this was not real – this was not the end.
Why would God allow such a hurtful thing to happen? I was confused, I was ashamed, and I was deeply hurt. Words have the power to build us up or tear us down and, in this case, – they tore down.
As I started believing the lies he planted in my mind about who I was, I remembered reading earlier that day 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
Humans are flawed and disappoint us but that is when we can take action to demonstrate the same love the apostle Paul describes in 1 Corinthians chapter 13. A small portion of being a Christian is wrestling through interactions and situations with others and if we choose to withdraw and wash our hands clean of it, we miss out on our calling. We are called to love God and love others. According to Romans 12:10, we are to be devoted to one another outdoing each other in kindness.
I was not giving up on this relationship and was ready for the hard work. As I dug into Paul’s ministry it struck me. It would have been so easy for him to wash his hands clean of the Corinthians and walk away but he didn’t – he stayed.
“We put no obstacle in anyone's way, so that no fault may be found with our ministry, but as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: by great endurance, in afflictions, hardships, calamities, beatings, imprisonments, riots, labors, sleepless nights, hunger; by purity, knowledge, patience, kindness, the Holy Spirit, genuine love; by truthful speech, and the power of God; with the weapons of righteousness for the right hand and for the left; through honor and dishonor, through slander and praise. We are treated as impostors, and yet are true; as unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and behold, we live; as punished, and yet not killed; as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing everything. We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians; our heart is wide open. You are not restricted by us, but you are restricted in your own affections. In return (I speak as to children) widen your hearts also.” (2 Corinthians 6:3-13, ESV)
Paul continued to push toward the very people who were trying to hurt him physically, emotionally, and mentally. He extended grace and was moved by the reconciling love of God because he was called to be an agent of God’s reconciling work. Relationships take work – they are not easy.
We will be hurt most by the people we love, but despite that hurt we need to keep moving forward and have the courage to stick it out and forgive one another.
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you,” (Ephesians 4:32). Truthfully, forgiveness is hard. I chose to forgive that friend despite the deep hurt I felt and to be honest, still feel sometimes, but I am grateful to have grown through all that has happened and happy to say I have a great brother-in-Christ that I can count on.
When you choose forgiveness you change and you grow.
In this final thought, consider who you will forgive. Whether you write them a letter or meet them for coffee it will be worth it.
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