Well another year has come and gone and here I sit trying to think of a word to sum up 2018. The only thing I can think of to say is, “thank goodness that’s over.”
You see, it’s not that I didn’t have some good times in 2018; I did. It’s just that …well, I’m ready for a new chapter. For you to fully understand, let me take you back to twelve months. January came in fresh and new. I was able to move back to Oak Point (my Rec Center) after being gone for a year due to renovation, I made some pretty-cool new friends, and was trying new things (like having a social life). Of course, moving back had an adjustment period that lasted about six months for most of us, and if I’m being honest, I think we are still “adjusting”--12 months later….
The people at the gym I where I worked out became my second family; I was going almost every day, and became close friends with a few people. On top of that, I gained a new sister-in-law and entered my third year in Texas. Oh! And let’s not forget – I also saw two of my favorite bands in concert!
Life was going great, or so I thought…
But when trials of life hit, you never can be too prepared – or prepared at all. Well, strap on your seatbelt, because life is about to take a left turn… (I think that’s the saying, right?)
February, March, April, May, June, July and August…
August. The dog days of summer. The time when people start to get bored with their lives and start meddling in others.
You see, life was pretty good – I was happy, content, and all the other feel good words that go along with that, until a “whisperer” came along.
For those who don’t know, a “whisperer” is someone who spreads conflict and gossip that separates close friends (Prov. 16:28). I guess I should also put in a disclaimer here, you see at the time I thought we (The whisperer and I) were close friends, but I could have been or could be mistaken (I’m still unsure).
Anyways, this person came along and told someone that I wanted more from a friendship, resulting in the other person breaking the friendship, instead of coming to me first and addressing the rumor.
Me, want more than friendship? Crazy isn’t it? I wouldn’t even know where to begin with that one.
If you know me, you know I am the most awkward (yet awesome) person out there. And truthfully, here comes some VULNERABILITY, I have never had a boyfriend or even known if a boy was ‘interested’ in me – I have only ever been friends with boys and trusted that the Lord would make it known when the time was right for anything more than friendship…and I’m OK with that. God has a plan, and is using me to be an encouragement for others who might be in the same boat. So here I am, thirty-one, single and trusting the Lord with every step.
Anyways, back to the broken friendship…
I don’t know if you have ever dealt with the loss of a friendship, but it isn’t easy. And if you know me, then you know that I was shattered, confused, lost and broken. I have never felt pain the way I felt pain the day I received a phone call from my “friend.”
I was full of shame and ready to pack my bags and move back to Michigan. I just wanted to run. How could someone make up a rumor so hurtful that it would destroy a such a good friendship?
When I calmed down I came to the realization that, that’s what sin does; it separates people, it lies, and it finds a way to tear down what is being built up for God’s glory.
So, the next day, I extended forgiveness to my friend. Why, because that’s what the Lord calls us to do, we are to “be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you,” (Ephesians 4:32, ESV). The friendship mattered too much to me to just shut it down; plus, I would have had to find a new place to work out – and that wasn’t happening, because, like I said before, the people there became my family.
I wasn’t sad to see August go.
But September, October, November and December weren’t any easier.
Every time I thought I was taking steps toward healing, something would happen or be said, and I would be knocked back down.
I had lost sight of everything – forgotten who I was.
I doubted everything I did or said and gotten so lost that I didn’t even recognize the person in the mirror.
My motives were questioned, and I was just going through the motions.
I would put on a happy face and go about my day. That lasted up until a few weeks ago when I found myself crying (and I mean ugly crying) to one of my good friends in my car.
He told me that I needed to stop doubting myself and be the awesome person that I am and everybody loves (Ok, he might not have said it in those exact words, but you get the point).
How could one person break someone so badly with a rumor? How could someone be so mean as to want to break up a friendship?
That is something I still don’t understand, and I will probably never be able to understand. But, one thing I know for certain is that even though the hurt and the shame that I felt might still be there, God is using it.
That’s what He does best, right? He breaks things and puts them back together for His glory - that’s what I believe He is doing with my friendships.
Through all the hurt and brokenness, He’s using not just me, but everyone involved. Some lessons might take others longer to learn, but it’s a road that we will all walk together because, when things don’t turn out the way we planned, we can trust that God has something better for us – we just need to boldly step out in faith, trust His plan, and walk hand-in-hand with Him.
コメント