I’m not going to lie – before I moved to Texas I never took a personality test.
I never had even heard them talked about as much as they are down here.
It’s just not something we did.
Yet, when I moved it seemed like all the conversation starters were, “Hi, my name is Sally and I’m an INFJ what are you? You seem like a XYZP.” (Yes, I know that’s not a real type, but you get the point). But what does that even mean?!
So, to “blend” in I took the test and for the record, I’m an ENFJ (extraversion, intuition, feeling, judgement).
A protagonist.
Let’s laugh about this for a minute, shall we?
If you know me, you know I hate being the star… well, most of the time. Put me in a competition and I’m going for gold each time.
Anyways, as I read the description I found myself saying, “yes, oh my word, yes! That’s definitely me!” It was and is scarily accurate.
And of course, once I finally started understanding this ENFJ thing, along came the enneagram.
Say what?!
Yes, the ENNEagram… not to be confused with something else that requires a doctor’s appointment…
Another personality test.
What was my world becoming?
Who was I becoming?
Well, let me tell you. I took the test and I found out I am a type two on the enneagram scale with a three wing.
What does that mean?
I’m a helper.
I could have told you that without taking the test.
Caring, generous, self-sacrificing, friendly and having unconditional love for others.
Yep, that’s me.
As for the wing portion, I don’t know what the even means so I won’t try to pretend.
I would like to say that knowing all of this has helped me change my behaviors, but it hasn’t.
The burnout is real… and I’m not talking about going hard in a workout.
At the beginning of the year, as I sat cross-legged on the floor in quiet-time, I heard the Holy Spirit whisper the word, ‘restore’ along with some others that I needed to focus on this year.
And how does the dictionary define restore anyway?
Well, Webster’s Dictionary defines restore as the action of returning something to a former owner, place, or condition.
Helpers… We are the ones that are ‘mending’ things we aren’t the ones being mended.
I’m a helper. I will always put other’s needs above my own. It’s just who I am. I’m always the in the group initiating, sacrificing my rest for the greater good of others.
Then again there I was getting burnt out – physically and emotionally.
I should have known better…even Jesus had to withdraw from the crowds to avoid burnout (Mark 6:31) at times.
I understand the importance of rest because you can’t pour from an empty cup, yet, I still neglect it.
We helpers, need to remember that it’s OK to return to our little corner in the world to fill up our cup, love ourselves and spend time alone in the word.
Because how else are we going to hear the whispers of the Holy Spirit if we aren’t meeting with Jesus every day?
We need to remember that although we like to ‘fix’ things it’s OK to let others fail even if we see it ending badly for them. It’s OK not to be everything for everyone and sometimes we need to allow ourselves to be a mess and let others step up and be there for us.
I know it’s hard because we are scared those people we think will be there for us, might not step up because of their own insecurities, but we need to allow ourselves time.
Time to heal, time to mend and time to restore ourselves back to the place where we have joy and can spread our love back out to others.
As for my restoration…that’s a story for another time.
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